the nook

2010-12-24T01:56:00.002+07:00

she loves to read because it slaps her good at times. today, she is reminded that pain should never last forever because who the hell wants to get drenched in pain for so long. she is reminded that putting hopes should never go wrong because that way at least you have something you can hold on to if the tides get too high. but ultimately she is reminded that she wants to keep her best friend in her heart, for now and ever, just because it is where he belongs.

"But remember that the pain of parting from friends will be felt by everybody at times, whatever be their education or state. Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope." -- Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

2010-12-19T18:55:00.003+07:00

she forgets how it felt like to experience the memorable, to be drowned in longing, to give willing devotion, to be needed, to be the one that mattered.. it is their last year together, and all she is worrying about is to have no good memories about him to miss.

2010-11-09T10:29:00.000+07:00

when she said nothing would ever be the same again, she meant it with all her soul. because she knew it would never. because she wasn't really into sugarcoating, nor was she into denying the truth.

2010-10-01T14:15:00.000+07:00

he holds her hands so tight and assures her that distance will not matter. for the eleven hundredth times. his voice, by now, sounds like a fading old sound that has been repeated time and again. the kind of sound that is tired and cannot wait for itself to just dissolve in the free air. the kind of sound that is tasteless having been repeated countless of times. the kind of sound that is weary and stale. deep in the heart she knows she cannot do it. not possibly. not ever. so she releases her hands from him, slowly, only in the steadiest motion.

2010-09-02T16:22:00.003+07:00

she knew it was going to be her day so she put on her favorite tunic of all time. it was the color of purple, the brightest piece of clothing she owned. though for a brief moment she hesitated and thought the tunic was rather too much, her defense that said it was the holy month where people are in such festive mood to forgive bright colors won. so, what the hell, she thought. she then had the time of her life. until he showed up and sucked all of the brightness. he loathed the tunic. hated it. he thought she looked hideous in it. then her world got so dark, just in the blink of an eye. he called her an eyesore.

2010-08-21T23:28:00.000+07:00

she finds herself loving words a lot. even she thinks she loves it too much that she becomes greedy - wanting to possess all of them in her head, which is infuriating because she know she cannot.

2010-07-24T23:04:00.002+07:00

every second, she makes the decision to trust him. to let go of her insecurities. to let go of the fact that she has issues here and there. issues that he believes never exist. issues that he believes are artificial. she tries, still, to trust him. despite the hopes that lost along the way. despite the aches from disappointment, from contradictions, from hypocrisy. to build a bridge to get him, she realized, requires so much of a reciprocity. a realization that is not reciprocally shared with him, in this case.

2010-06-07T18:51:00.000+07:00

his speeches are prepared, his stories are made up, his gestures are awkward, his tricks are guessable, his moves are stale. she is flattered. she is not interested.

2010-05-29T18:55:00.001+07:00

she seriously thinks that trust is a funny word. she voices the very same question over and over again about what is it that is so genuine about we, humans? while we are taught to sympathize towards others' agony, we do more of faking it to be considered caring. while we are taught to support others in despair, we do more of condescending.. when acting up is no longer considered as a violation of being true, she would suppose that she has the right to question pretty much everything, no? .. she ends up, again, without any luck in getting the answer she is in search of.

2010-04-17T17:49:00.002+07:00

it is one of those days when she feels like she is an ugly duck in a pond full of swans, where she cannot stop staring at others' beauty and start to ignore hers. it is one of those days when others seem to have everything she can imagine in each of her utopias, in which people are pretty and perfectly polished. somehow she forgets everything about lessons of having self-respect her mother had always taught her. somehow negativity comes invading, infecting like a virus. the world shakes and gets dark and she starts to trip over things that fall. somehow nobody can help her get out of it, whilst she knows exactly that herself is the only one who can. but somehow she refuses. she lets her fear take over. just because it is what is comfortable. just because she is too afraid to look through.

2010-03-25T21:39:00.009+07:00

every time she thinks about relaxing moments, she would imagine driving alone on an interstate highway heading to countryside, on constant speed, surrounded by dusts and winds, silence with a trace of guitar sounds from country music on the radio. she would imagine taking a nap in an air-conditioned room with floods of summer sunshine at noon, with no worries about obligations and regulations, and wake up with a glass of cold orange juice to devour. she would imagine reading a good book in a cozy sofa in the corner of the room with blankets and sufficient lights by the fireplace on a snowy night. every time she thinks about relaxing moments, mostly, she would imagine falling asleep in the warmth of his hug on her hard day's nights, with his soothing little pat on her hair singing like a lullaby.

2010-02-04T16:07:00.002+07:00

she postures everywhere she likes, leans on everything she desires. watching her gestures equals to attending a freak show. she is the type of girl whom everybody touches. she is a fragile little copy of a copy. she thinks everybody adores her, craves for her presence, opinion, and endearing little sweetness. but she has got the hollowest soul ever owned, the greatest shame of all, she is not even aware of.

2010-01-29T13:55:00.004+07:00

so the wondrous world of word imagery has been away for some time long now, too long for her to feel alive again, to detect whether or not she even exists. she has been closing her eyes to hear more about what the world is saying, but most of the times all she hears is unbearable pandemonium and harsh uproars. suddenly one who is twisted is no longer only her: the world is in a such competition of being in despair, where the more melancholy they are the more kudos they get. the world is ridiculous now. even one whom she has been holding on to becomes one of those strange people. she is left only with one more attempt to, this time, close her ears and start seeing. thoroughly, closely. only to find more of blinding blazes.

Life is not a game. It is just a bunch of crap.

2009-06-24T12:01:00.002+07:00

So, you are there. All the time. Even in times when you can't be there, you just put this huge effort to show up. Maybe your mind is not neccesarily there, one or two times. But that is just humane. Well, the thing is, you have done all you could to make it work. And it seems like it is all paid: you watch the smiles, the laughs, and if there are some frowns and cries, they come and go just like that, you know, the twists and turns of life. But generally, you see nothing is wrong.

Until you found out that you are the one who is wrong. Things are not as smooth as you wanted it to be. No, it is worse. Things are not as smooth as you thought it always was. And you can't help to wonder, "what else did I miss?".

paradox.

2009-02-22T10:07:00.004+07:00

i am so much two different poles trapped in a body.
i am south, i am not south.
i am north, i am not north.

so, my (new) close friend and i had this long conversation about this paradox in each of our lives, blurting out everything we knew about them and hence, we found as many a thing we surprisingly did not know. we thought we knew everything about ourselves since we have been living long enough (again, we thought) to figure the hidden and the covered, but the more we thought and talked, the less we could explain.

we are a little bit of everything, i am aware of that. like, i am a little strong while i am a little needy. i am a little bit of this while at the same time, i am a little bit of that just the opposite. but the whole idea of being a living paradox is still a blur to me.

as i was browsing through the wondrous world of the internet, i found that a hungarian psychology professor, mihaly csikszentmihalyi, detected this paradoxical tendency in one's life as a sign of creativeness (haha!). this is what he actually says:

1. Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they’re also often quiet and at rest.
2. Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time.
3. Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.
4. Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality.
5. Creative people trend to be both extroverted and introverted.
6. Creative people are humble and proud at the same time.
7. Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.
8. Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.
9. Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.
10. Creative people’s openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment.

well, i guess it is not all disastrous to be a living paradox, is it? ;)

and without any intention to be cocky and all, i think some parts of the song "beautiful mess" by mraz can quite resemble my circumstance.

now i'm out!

(credits to http://indomiejunkie.wordpress.com/)

Tidak Biasanya.

2009-02-18T00:54:00.003+07:00

Oke. Jadi ini blog gue kan? Gue bisa ngomong apa aja kan? Apa juga sih ini pertanyaan bodoh untuk memulai suatu posting-an, tapi ya sudahlah. Begini ini gue, selaluuu aja ga bisa santai. Otak gue selalu penuh dengan pertimbangan-pertimbangan yang tidak perlu tentang harus nggak sih gue begini ato harus nggak sih gue begitu. Rebek. Rese. Ga spontan.

Jadi gue udah lama ga nge-post, memang. Haha lagian kaya ada yang notice aja apa ya, pe-de abis lo Yan. Masalahnya adalah gue terlalu sombong aja orangnya, parah deh kadang-kadang gue mikir kenapa gue masih punya temen ya padahal gue orangnya cocky banget. Alesan gue ga nulis adalah simply karena gue males menjadi sama dengan yang lain-lain. Sekarang blogging jadi ngetren banget, semua orang kayaknya nge-blog. Trus gue yag kaya, "oke.. Kok jd massal gini kayaknya nge-blog? Aduh jadi males banget" hahaha, parah. Gue emang orangnya suka gitu, suka sok2an ga mau sama dari yang lain (sebenernya kata sok2an ga tepat juga sih, karena emang beneran preferensi gue utk menjadi tidak sama dengan yg lain, gimana dong.. lah tuh kan cocky). Jadi misalnya ya, gue tau Jason Mraz dr jaman dia masih awal-awal muncul banget jaman dia masih pacaran sama Tristan Prettyman (duh gue jd malu kebuka betapa freak-nya gue deh haha) dan gue pd saat itu janji sm diri gue sendiri kalo gue hrs nonton shownya dia di Indonesia. Harus. Tp belakangan ini Jason Mraz jadi massal banget dan gue ilang greget juga nonton dia di Java Jazz karena gue tau pasti banyak banget followers yg cuma tau lagu I'm Yours doang. Ah shit. Trus contoh lain adalah betapa massalnya majalah Go Girl haha gue berenti beli majalah Go Girl scr rutin karena, geez, semua cewe penampilannya beneran kaya abis dr toko baju yg sama yg direkomendasiin tu majalah tau ga sih. Walopun kadang-kadang gue masih suka pinjem Go Girl temen haha ga tahan akan godaannya cuci mata yaa kan namanya juga cewe ya gak sih.

Aduh gue ngapain sih ini. Oh iya gue mau cerita deh kaya alay yg cerita di blog-nya hari ini jam 7 pagi gue ngapain macem diary gitu, lucu kali ya muahaha gila gue meracaunya frontal abis gak jelas. Ga lah, gue mau cerita kalo damn, gue merasa kesepian. Bener kata majalah-majalah, kalo umur se-gue ini adl umur-umur hormonal dimana lo longing for the existance of a partner. Tadi gue abis dr kosan Chaca nonton How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days bareng Gerha juga, trus yang filmnya selesai kita yang "anjis pengen punya pacar!" hehe. Kalo kata Gerha sih gue ga bisa dibilang kesepian karena ada yg merhatiin (yg ini sebenernya juga gue ga yakin deh perhatiannya dlm konteks apaan), tp gue pengen bilang kalo lo salah Ger. Gue bener2 kosong skrg (in terms of the presence of somebody in the heart and head), bener2 yg kerasa banget hampanya. Gue inget jaman SMA walopun ga punya pacar tp pasti punya gebetan kakak kelas yg sampe agak-agak terobsesi gitu haha jijik banget sebenrnya kalo diinget-inget lagi, tp itu seru. Gue sadar bgt gue harus bersyukur paling ga gue punya sahabat-sahabat kaya sahabat-sahabat gue sekarang dan orang-orang tertentu yg setidaknya menemukan sisi asik dr gue yg samasekali tdk asik ini, yg menemukan sisi berguna dr gue yg gak berguna ini, dan seterusnya, tapi gue pengen suka sama orang dan orang itu juga suka sama gue. Gue pengen gue berusaha dan usaha gue itu kebayar. Gue pengen mengagumi seseorang, dan dengan sempurnanya orang itu balik ngagumin gue hahahaha aduh sampah cheesy gila.

Tapi yaudahlah gue sabar aja, dan bakalan usahain bgtbgt ngikutin kata nyokap gue supaya rajin tahajud sm puasa sunah biar jodohnya didekatkan haha gue rasa nyokap gue udah capek dengerin cerita gue ttg kehidupan percintaan gue yg troblesome. Mendingan kuliah dulu ya gak, ga usah ngoyo, alon-alon asal kelakon kalo kata org Jawa sih. Lagian kuliah juga lagi seru-serunya dan lg sgt menantang banget sih dengan Business Communication dimana kita selalu dipaksa utk caper prestasi ke tutor kita yg aneh bin ajaib Kak Indra Yakfu (aduh namanya aja udh menjelaskan semuanya kan) ato statistik yang belibet banget ato malah Study of Human Societies yang rasanya pengen gue ajarin dulu dosennya bahasa inggris (tuh kan cocky lagi padahal mata kuliah English semester 1 aja gue cm dapet B haha).

Lagian temen-temen kuliah gue sangat asyik-masyuk hehe aduh gue ngapain sih ini, trus lo masih baca juga sampe sini? Yaudalah gue tidur dulu ya. Terimakasih utk membaca kenihilan postingan ini, ya ampun jd jijik sendiri..

Sampai jumpa kapan-kapan.

Look!

2009-01-30T00:59:00.005+07:00

I'm screaming for you to go look at this very cool website. If you put "good music, good books, and good movies" (or at least one of them) in your interests section on facebook, then you should G-O, GO visit it like N-O-W, NOW!

Just to tell, it's the official website of Paste Magazine - a sensational magazine my host parents introduced me to, which gives you sampler CD of their selected musicians, every month. Oh how I wish to be able to subscribe it! (But you can! It's not like it's expensive or anything. The problem to me is it'll be too much work to convince my parents to support me on this.)

But hey, the website alone will take you to a wonderland. It gives you links to every cool videos on youtube, peeks to every legit musicians you have never heard before, lists of good books for the month.... everything! It won't be anything like "the thrill of the first try" at all, trust me.

P.S.: it's just a biased recommendation. Just so you know, it's not something mainstream. You'll get it if you know me ;p

Dear Jason,

2009-01-14T00:23:00.002+07:00

I just now purchased the ticket to your show in Jakarta on March 6th. It cost me a whole lot of money, you know, for I don't make my own just yet. So, since the ticket is not refundable, you'd better be really coming. I don't want to hear any single excuse: I know you are too free-spirited to obey that travel warning your country will possibly issue in between times, and too smart to realize that flood in the city of Jakarta wouldn't do you any harm. I'm happily skipping any classes I will be having on that Friday, so yeah.. I'm memorizing your lyrics, and of course, counting on the days.

Yours sincerely,

Dian.

Happy the 7th Day of the Year 2009!

2009-01-07T11:36:00.003+07:00

Not wanting to keep my undies tragedy top story, I will make myself so yesterday to wish you a happy new year!

Holiday's been fun for me. Hope yours are too!

A Tale of the Undies

2009-01-07T10:59:00.004+07:00

“A Bitter Lesson of How You Can’t Conquer Bad Luck(s)”

This particular happening is not recent - happened on, rrr, December 23rd I think. And before going to the actual story, I just want to say that this is really about my experience involving, literally, undies – panties and bras. Please don’t assume that I’m one of those people who randomly blurt about their most personal belongings, no, it’s just… I’m just so overwhelmed with these bad lucks I was simultaneously having that I thought it would be fun to treat this blog as my waste bin. So please, don’t get me wrong.

So, it happened that I forgot to bring all of my clean undies with me when I made a trip home for this semester break. God knows how much I loathe packing; I always wait until last minutes to pack. So, I guess procrastinators will miss the essentials due to having limited-time pressure. Okaaay, but the thing is, it wouldn’t have been this horrible a miss if the break didn’t last 1.5 months. I have all of my undies I could possibly own in Bandung – only one or two in Jakarta – since it’s Bandung my “home” now for the next 3 years of my university life. I didn’t realize it until I reached kilometer 60 of the freeway ride (out of 130, I’m telling you. So it was impossible to make a detour). My heart dropped to the ground that time when I finally did, knowing exactly how my dear mother at home would react.

When I told her right after I made my first step in, she couldn’t really hide her shade of disappointment on her face by bitter smile. She had thought this young woman of hers had all grown up lady-like: responsible to her life and all, but it turned out that she had been all wrong, for the sake of underwear. I knew she wouldn’t make it easy for me having made that small but fatal error, and I was right. My mom only allowed me to shop for brand new undies at Giant Department Store, the closest retail store from home. No malls, no outlets, only the cheap-y Giant products all I deserved. To make things worse, I wasn’t allowed to get companies there, so I ended up undies-shopping all by myself. It was like, the most humiliating thing, ever.

I went to Giant around 7 PM by angkot on that very night (it wasn’t a long trip at all, so my mom let me take such public transport at that time of day like that). As you may be aware, the main commodities Giant sells are groceries. I almost had this panic attack, fearing they don’t sell clothing stuff. I wandered around the building in search for the section (felt too humiliated to ask) and finally I found it: a rack with minimum selection of undies for woman, and My Lord, they were on sale. Low quality products were on sale? Yeah right. Knowing that it was the only chance I got, I started picking and grabbing some very quickly, and rushed to the cashier (no need to say, avoided all kinds of eye-contact with anyone). I needed to ask the girl behind the counter to double pack my things, since their plastic bags were designed transparent. I didn’t want to expose them to all other passenger in the angkot-ride home, did I?

I arrived home and felt rather relieved before I was reminded that in the morning was my flight to Semarang. Yes, off to Semarang I would fill my first week of my break. That meant I would have to wash my brand new undies I wasn’t really proud of, right at that second, so they would dry off just in time before I leave to the airport. I only prayed it wouldn’t rain that night. Yes, my mom wouldn’t have been meaner: no washing machine involved! I was allowed to receive some help though, from my housekeeper. She washed the whole thing, and I asked her to hang the washed undies up on the rooftop of the house, so the wind would crisp them out and I could pack them on my suitcase last minutes before leaving. And then I went to bed peacefully, thinking everything was all set under my control.

Around 3 AM, I was woken by a real nightmare; there was sound of raindrops. I jumped out of the bed and woke my house keeper; together we evacuated my now soaked undies. We re-washed them again real quick and thank goodness I was given this idea I had wished I had had much earlier: exposing them to the standing fan. Like I was blinded earlier. Like I was a fool. Like I was so panic I couldn’t think straight. What a perfect solution t was. I arranged my undies in some ways so they would be exposed by the wind standing fan produced. I flipped the head of the fan in certain angle so the wind would go straight to the undies. Then I went back to bed peacefully, for the second time.

Voila! In the morning at around 7, I found them all ironed – my mom did it. Then I packed them to my stuffed suitcase, then off to Semarang I left.

So that was it: the whole story of my series of unfortunate events. Like Lemony Snicketts’, it has a happy ending too =)

Rumah, Pada Akhirnya.

2008-12-22T13:12:00.004+07:00

Wah, nikmat sekali rasanya kembali berada dirumah ya. Makan enak dan bergizi: cek. Tidur nyenyak sampai siang tanpa harus memikirkan kuliah keesokan harinya: cek. Berinteraksi dengan orangtua dan adik tersayang: cek. Baca buku sampai pusing: cek. Nonton TV dan DVD sampai buta: cek. Haha, saya senang.

Lebih asyiknya lagi, rencana liburan yang terbentang di depan saya sepertinya sudah memanggil saya dengan intonasi yang teramat persuasif. Saya tidak sabar!

Memulai semua ini, besok saya cabut ke Semarang sendirian, untuk kemudian menyusul keluarga saya yang sedang berlibur di Solo hari Jumat-nya (oke, saya dan keluarga saya memang orang Jawa banget yang ga bisa ga ke Solo setiap liburan, and hell ya I'm proud of it! Hehe)

Lalu tanggal 29 bakalan ada reuni SD Muhammadiyah 24 Jakarta angkatan 2001 tercinta yang pasti bakal seru parah. 7 tahun ga ketemu, menurut L? =P

Dan puncaknya, insyaAllah tanggal 8 Januari saya beserta 8 teman wanita saya (haha, teman wanita!) akan ke Bali surga dunia. Semoga tidak ada halangan yang berarti, amin. Woohoo. Sangat, sangat, sangat bersemangat..

Posting-an cerita dan foto tentang itu semua akan menyusul setelahnya yaa, insyaAllah kalo ga males, hehe.

Happy Holidaaaaay =D

Crap.

2008-12-18T00:01:00.000+07:00

I feel really dumb today.

Malas Belajar dan Kangen Ibu.

2008-12-13T21:52:00.005+07:00

Bukannya belajar untuk UAS, saya malah asyik berselancar di dunia maya, blog-walking, dan nulis posting-an ini sambil dengerin We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things dan ngemil Oreo.

Kalo di rumah, pasti ibu saya udah nanya-nanya dengan nada menyindir, "Kamu kok ga belajar, Mbak?"

Haha, saya jadi kangen ibu deh..

Fine, I'm off studying now.

Freak.

2008-12-12T20:44:00.004+07:00

I do not talk about things I do not want to talk about.
People say I am idealistic.
I say I do not care.

I do not do things I am not comfortable in doing.
People say I am boring.
I say I do not care.

I do not share laughter after jokes I do not consider funny.
People say I am stiff.
I say I do not care.

I am not moved by the tears dramas produce.
People say I am heartless.
I say I do not care.

I do not change into something I do not wish to be.
People say I am old.
I say I do not care.

(Me, being random. One part of those characters and conditions above is based on and inspired by true events. The other one part I made it up. About the title of this post, it was inspired by my unfinished conversation with Madeza Alexander. Just do not ask why and how. I just feel like jotting it down.)

Live High.

2008-12-12T00:22:00.004+07:00

I am now cwazeeey about this particular song sung by the adorable Mr.A-Z. The lyrics are just killers, the tune is a chiller, and God knows the singer is a bomber ;P

So, have a peek..

And maybe start singing along..

I try to picture a girl
Through a looking glass
See her as a carbon atom
See her eyes and stare back at them
See that girl
As her own new world
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe

Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Are we all here standing naked
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

Live high
Live mighty
Live righteously
Takin' it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

Try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
And see him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he's not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
And it's laughter that we're making after all

The call of the wild is still an ordination why
And the order of the primates
All our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is this assembly singing of gratitude
Practicing their lovin' for you

Live high
Live mighty
Live righteously
Takin' it easy
Live high, live mighty
Oh live righteously

Take it all,
And just take it easy
And celebrate the malleable reality
You see nothing is ever as it seems
Yeah this life is but a dream

Lift me up to the almighty
Raise your hands and start acknowledging

--Live High by Jason Mraz

=(

2008-12-10T14:43:00.003+07:00

A fever, a sore throat, a headache, and.. as if they are not enough, some menstrual cramps.

Dari Raga yang Sakit.

2008-12-10T10:48:00.006+07:00

kadang kau memang butuh (untuk menjadi) sakit.

sakit menyediakan segala ruang dan waktu yang kau butuhkan untuk berkontemplasi; untuk memikirkan kembali hal-hal yang semasa sehat alpa untuk sekedar kau jadikan konsiderasi.

sakit memberikan segala alasan untuk menghentikan rotasi hidup sejenak. lebih menyenangkan lagi, sakit memberikan kesempatan untuk melihat bagaimana dunia terus berjalan dengan iramanya yang teratur, disaat kau terhenti, terbaring tak berdaya di tempat tidur.

sakit membantumu mengingat ketulusan orang-orang terkasihmu, yang biasanya mengurusmu dikala kau sakit, dahulu, sebelum kalian menjadi jauh.

sakit menunjukkanmu teman-teman paling berharga yang harus kau jaga dalam hidupmu yang (semoga) masih panjang, yang masih akan menemukan banyak sakit dalam perjalanannya.

sakit membantumu untuk bersyukur bahwa kau masih hidup; bahwa dalam kelemahan, setidaknya untuk bernapas kau masih sanggup.

sakit membuatmu menyadari bahwa sehat itu tak ternilai harganya; bahwa buku-buku yang baru kau belipun tak akan terlihat menarik lagi jika kau sakit.

sakit menyediakan optimisme dan segala harapan bahwa mungkin hari esok keadaanmu akan membaik.

ya. amin.

For All the Girls Out There ;)

2008-12-08T21:48:00.002+07:00

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

--Maya Angelou

(P.S. isn't this poem sweet? How I wish I could write like Miss Angelou does! By the way, thank God I'm a woman.)

Nineteen

2008-12-03T19:44:00.007+07:00

Being 19 somewhat feels absurd. Having been a teenager for so long of time, now I am on the verge of this teen-y journey. Next year I will be 20 - t w e n t y - realize that no teen word comes follow anymore.

Wow, gotta go growing up like very soon.

(Err, does that mean that I shouldn't have chosen that Grover picture above? Anyway, thank you Google Image for providing the exact picture I was looking for).

Hope this rainy December will bring a complete closing of your 2008!

Before today ends,

2008-11-30T23:57:00.000+07:00

I just want to say thank you to all of you. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude, and may God bless us all.

Happy the thirtieth of November.

Much love!

i-Motion

2008-11-27T16:52:00.004+07:00

Untuk hitungan tim yang semua anggotanya freshmen, yang ga ada persiapan samasekali, yang nilainya dikurangin karena ga bikin paper, pokoknya yang cuma ikutan dengan modal nekat, lolos sampe perdelapan final ya lumayan lah yaa ;D

Ini sekelabat gambaran i-Motion itu ngapain aja:

Mosi#12: Perlukah suatu brand mengganti logo atau brand identity-nya supaya sesuai dengan selera suatu bangsa atau negara?

Sebuah brand identity sesungguhnya adalah tentang bagaimana kita ingin agar konsumen memandang/menangkap produk/brand kita. Perusahaan berusaha memperkecil jarak antara identitas brand dengan brand image (dimana brand image adl sudah melulu tentang bagaimana persepsi konsumen thd produk/brand kita). Proses ini dinilai berhasil apabila perusahaan telah mencapai keadaan dimana brand identity sudah berada pada tempat yang sama dengan brand image.

Affirmative:
Menurut pendapat kami, jika tujuan sebuah perusahaan adl untuk menyelaraskan antara brand identity dengan brand image, maka salah satu cara yang sangat efektif adalah dengan menjadi fleksibel. Artinya disini, kami setuju dengan mosi bahwa suatu brand perlu mengganti logo/brand identity nya agar sesuai dengan custom region dimana mereka dipasarkan. Konsumen suatu negara akan lebih menghargai sebuah brand yang bersedia membuat usaha pendekatan dengan keseharian dan kebudayaan mereka, jauh dibandingkan dengan brand yang masuk secara mentah begitu saja tanpa diolah untuk menyesuaikan “rasa” mereka dengan selera lokal. Contoh: Coca-cola.

Konsumen merasa lebih dihargai, mengingat mengubah logo sebuah brand menunjukkan bahwa segala hal tidak melulu tentang brand tsb, tetapi ada yang lebih penting yaitu menempatkan kepentingan konsumen diatas segalanya. Hal ini dpt menciptakan keterikatan psikologis yg lebih kuat antara brand dgn konsumen

Adanya pengertian yg lebih baik apabila sebuah logo disampaikan dengan bahasa ibu masing2 negara, misalnya.

Negative:
Mengubah logo mengurangi nilai eksklusivitas brand itu sendiri. Contoh: apakah ada customized McD logo untuk setiap negara yang berbeda? Tidak. Terbukti bahwa McD menjelma sbg brand yang sangat kuat dan disadari secara global (recognized globally)

Biaya untuk mengkostumisasi logo per negara lebih mahal. Menciptakan banyak template desain logo untuk bnyk negara tentunya tidak seekonomis menggunakan template pakem yg sama worldwide kan?

Mengubah logo atau nama suatu brand dapat mengaburkan identitas brand itu sendiri. Percaya bahwa logo dan nama brand diciptakan dengan proses yang tidak sembarangan dan dengan pertimbangan khusus, mengubah itu semua dapat mengurangi value atau esensi dari logo asli. Contoh: Nama saya Dian, dan akan tetap menjadi Dian dimanapun saya sedang berada. Di Indonesia saya dipanggil Dian, dan saya tidak akan menoleh jika di Amerika saya dipanggil Dianne (Daiyen), walaupun Dianne adl nama kostumasi saya untuk negara tsb. Atau coba Djie Sam Soe yg artinya, dua, tiga empat. Apakah kalau dipasarkan di Amerika akan serta merta berubah mjd , two, three, four? Tidak juga kan..
(kredit untuk Riska dan Fri)

Yuhuu. Senangnya semua ini berakhir sudah!

My heart sank,

2008-11-27T16:26:00.007+07:00

because of the stare, hehehe ;p

Severe Procrastinator(s)

2008-11-24T20:22:00.011+07:00

What have I been doing in the last 48 hours?
Nothing.

I went to Riska's house with Fri Sunday night to, supposedly, boil our frozen brains in the greeting of this i-Motion Debate Contest in the University of Indonesia tomorrow. And yet, as the clock ticks and delivers us to the D-day, we simply are not doing anything to prepare ourselves. Not a single motion is being rehearsed. Not a thing.

The whole skipping class today was not worth anything too, surely.

These are what we have been doing:

Sticking our lazy buttocks to the chair in front of our computers..

And here are some other sights if you are interested in seeing:

Yeah.I have been cursing my own self the whole time.

So here it is: the three (lazy) musketeers!

And yet, we still have not figured out what to do.

My oh my.

Negativouch!

2008-11-23T14:46:00.008+07:00

I feel so much.. troublesome.

In the middle of doing this yummy 2000-word argumentative essay for my Academic English Writing class, when I found that the topic is too wide already to be elaborated more upon. I guess the whole drama would be the filling for this beautiful Sunday morning everybody but me are having. Darn. College life sucks to the fullest. I am on the lowest point of my sanity due to this crazy cycle.

And the fact that my brain is still too empty to greet the i-Motion debate competition makes my life even happier. Oh well. Not to mention those days I will have to catch up when I leave for that..

Fyi, Inter beat Juve 1-0 last night and that is just so sad ;(

Somebody needs to teach me how to be more positive right here right now, definitely.

Anyone?

Tagged.

2008-11-18T20:04:00.004+07:00

I was supposed to be doing a research for my scientific writing class when I dropped by to Chika's page and found out that she had tagged me to do this thing:

# Each blogger must post these rules.
# Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
# Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
# Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

So here I go, abandoning my research ;D

1. I am seeeeeriously afraid of snakes. I hate hate hate them for their unbearably sleek skin and sickening way of movement.

2. I try so hard to be a social person. Being in crowds - unfamiliar ones especially - discomfort me most of the times.

3. I do not eat eggs because I hate the smell of them. However, I love the smell of honey but darn I am allergic to it.

4. My dream guy, anyone? It should be Preston Burke from the Grey's Anatomy! Brainy, muscly, handsomy... he is my McDreamy!

5. Not trying to be lofty, but I think I am different.

6. I cannot stand people who are snobbish.

7. I have a thing for books -- good books really kick my ass.

8. Being looked up to intimidates me a whole lot. I am very insecure for reasons I cannot understand.

9. I am still a Houstonian in the heart thanks to AFS.

10. .... Okay I got stuck over here and how I wish I had been more elaborate. Do not I know myself, or what!

Should go back researching, and would love to delegate this to Tika, Fri and Jihan.

Dan Malam pun Tiba untuk Kamu Mempersiapkan Hari Esok.

2008-11-09T22:41:00.004+07:00

Sebuah akhir minggu yang rasanya campur aduk. "The most devastating yet exciting" kalo kata Tika sih, hehe. Business game yang menghantui itu pun berakhir sudah, dengan hasil yang ternyata tidak semenakutkan seperti yang telah dikhawatirkan. Gilang-gemilang, kalau boleh dibilang (gilang-gemilang tidak harus diukur secara material kan?).

Jadi terpikirkan oleh saya, perjuangan keras selama sebulan ini sudahlah terbayar. Segala keringat, segala jam tidur yang terpotong, segala flu, segala fluktuasi hormon yang membuat beberapa hati tersakiti, segala macam ego yang telah berbenturan.. sekarang baru terasa manisnya. Jadi lebih manis memang, karena kau pernah merasakan pahit. Pain is there for a reason.

Saya punya teman-teman baru, itu yang pasti. Saya mendengar lebih banyak cerita, mengobservasi lebih banyak perilaku, dan semoga, mendapatkan lebih banyak pelajaran dari mereka. Pelajaran yang tidak semuanya mudah dicerna, tentunya. Ada, sebenarnya, hal yang saya pikir terlalu absurd untuk bisa dipelajari. Tapi toh itu telah tejadi dan tidak mungkin duihapus kembali, ya kan? Setidaknya saya bisa mengeliminasi satu orang dari nominasi daftar orang yang berhak menerima keprecayaan saya. Hehe, mudah-mudahan saya tidak meracau terlalu frontal.

Masalahnya, saya sangat mengharapkan ruang yang lebih luas dan waktu yang lebih banyak untuk menata kembali isi kepala saya. Mengesampingkan apa yang telah terlewati untuk memberi ruang kepada yang akan melewati. Semacam regenerasi. Atau mungkin kontemplasi. Untuk memfitrahkan jiwa dan raga saya. Sebuah jeda sebelum saya kembali bertempur di dunia nyata.

Dan satu hari saja rasanya tidak cukup untuk proses itu. Apalagi mengingat apa yang telah menunggu di depan saya, kuis matematika bisnis yang bernilai 7% dari GPA di hari Selasa, yang sayangnya materinya saya belum bisa kuasai di luar kepala. Ya ya ya, seharusnya saya tidak mengetik ini tapi belajar saja..

Ah, lupakan, lupakan. Bukankah hidup itu untuk dinikmati? Saya ingin mengecap keberhasilan saya (beserta tim saya, Jempol Ganesha) selama mungkin. Saya mengulum, dan mengulur waktu. Siapa juga sih yang belajar matematika bisnis malam ini? Paling satu atau dua orang. Saya rela menjadi yang terbaik ketiga, kalau begitu caranya.

Yaiks. Sepertinya isi tulisan ini tidak merefleksikan judulnya ya? But, whatever.

Perkenalkan keluarga baru saya!

An Image.

2008-11-09T22:17:00.004+07:00

“Aku ingin tetap berada di udara jika hidup adalah sebuah koin yang dilempar ke udara dan menjadikan kita sebagai salah satu sisi dari dua mata koin itu. Aku ingin berada di dunia antara, abu-abu, dunia fusi sinergis yang harmonis.” (A Cat in My Eyes, Fahd Djibran)

Nice. That should resemble me.

Dedicated to Sophie.

2008-11-05T00:01:00.006+07:00

Thank you for always tailing after me. How I wish to kiss you goodbye.

Our dog -- me and my hostfam's dog -- was put to sleep Monday evening in Houston due to her general failing health. So devastating of news.

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived."

Goodbye Little Puppy. I will miss you so much..

Fatigue.

2008-11-02T18:45:00.002+07:00

Definitely not a good state of mind to greet the month of November. My whole thing is weary; my every parts of the body, my brain, my soul.. It's like, all I'm doing, never go right. I need a mood-shifter. Or just bring me straight to next Sunday and let me sleep all day. Yeah, that'll do.

Too Little of A Good Thing

2008-10-30T20:25:00.006+07:00

a smile you mean from the heart
a genial reception you do not make up
a covert bad-moodness
a nimble mind in pandemonium
an unfeigned enthusiasm
an honest opinion
a less tangy critics
an opportunity to proof wrong
an unconditional support
a less snobbish,
a less volatile,
a less fussy,
a less whiny of a personality
a less unnecessary reaction
a less childish thought
a tighter bond
a deeper empathy
a crystallized sense of togetherness
a mother's pacifying tone
a good joke that cracks your stomach
a lame conversation
a chance to take a break
a moment to be let taken aback
a help when you are in need
a piece of silence
a shoulder to cry on
a sanctuary to fall on from deep thinking
a productive day
a considerable self-improvement
an ability to say no thank you
a gut to stand behind what you believe
a poised of a manner
a graceful of a gesture
a strength to keep on persistent
a person you can count on
a more creative work
a less of a business
a good teacher
a sacrifice you are willing to make
a dignity to stay white among blacks
a less of a regret
a lighter head
an affectionate relationship
a loyal companionship
a tendency to always think positively
a full recovery
a delicate whisper right to your ears
a correct guess
an old good friend
a second home
a touch of His hands
a possibility to change mind
a moment of solitude
a good quality of sleep
a decent book with time to read it slowly
a fresh air to inhale deeply
a warmth of a laughter
a stable health
and if it is not too much,
a possibility to posses those things all at once.

A Lesson to Learn

2008-10-28T21:48:00.006+07:00

I remember watching an episode of season 2's Grey's Anatomy when Meredith Grey refused to get out of the house in the morning to go to work because she felt uneasy. Her intuition whispered 'something' to her indeed, as it turned out that there were life-threatening case in the hospital which almost took her life. That's pretty much what I had today. Not as hardcore as life-threatening, perhaps, but it was definitely a tough day.

I started my day non smoothly; I was too tired to get up. My two close friends' birthdays were today, and we had this surprise party for them very early in the morning. Ended up I went to bed at 2.30 a.m. while I had class at 7. 4 hours of sleep? Just imagine..

I almost trailed myself well through this day though, (by napping during lectures, I'm just saying) until I was informed my math mid-term test result. I was the most heart broken. I got 79 out of 100, a B still, but what hit me the hardest was the fact that I was so sure about getting at least 90, an A. I had studied all the things, I had had enough sleep, I had eaten my breakfast, I could solve all problems without any major difficulties.. It all went perfectly okay (I wouldn't have expected to get an A like that if I wasn't so sure, you know) but reality cheats! I couldn't hide my disappointment that I felt the urge to punch somebody on the eye right then, right there (okay, that sounded really scary, I know). But it was that horrible though, the feeling. I cursed and everything, but none helped.

Sampai saat Pak Dosen bilang, "Ayolah jangan liat ke belakang kelamaan. Toh yang udah terjadi gak akan bisa di-undo. Sekarang gimana caranya biar 3 bulan ke depan belajar yang efektif, jadi UAS-nya bisa bagus." Ya kira-kira begitu lah..

It stroke me, and my heart chilled. He's darn right.

I went home and called my mom, chit-chatted for a bit as usual, then I promised her to try to do better next time. It's all I can do, right?

Oh iya, selamat Hari Sumpah Pemuda semuanya!

Randomy Posty.

2008-10-27T18:06:00.006+07:00

Entah kenapa akhir-akhir ini saya banyak melihat hal kekanak-kanakan yg dilakukan oleh orang-orang di sekitar saya.

Is it me who is far too old to care?

Anyway, in the state of more cheerful, I'm feeling happy right now. For my brother. Yes, that happiness is contagious, I have proven right. He just had a new girlfriend and it's kinda fun to watch them together, haha.

Here's the picture of us three:

Cute, eh? Then many wonder, "Lu kapan nyusul, Yan?"

Hahaha. Gue mah ketawa aja. Doain ya makanya =)

Tuhan..

2008-10-26T18:20:00.002+07:00

Akan seperti apa hidupku kelak?
Akankah aku mejadi hamba-Mu yang berakhlak?
Akankah aku bisa memberikan dunia yang fana ini manfaat?
Akankah hatiku tetap kuat tertambat?

Tuhan..

Aku sadar,
seandainya saja hidup ini mudah ditebak,
maka apalah gunanya otak.
Tapi rasa-rasanya aku tersesat dalam labirin kebingungan,
tak bertepi, tak berujung, angkuh tanpa ampunan.

Missing Home

2008-10-26T15:12:00.002+07:00

"I have wandered so far from home,
like a plane from its aerodrome.
Which in dense fog strays into the dark..
Am I living, dead, leaves, or grass?"

If there is something called writer's block out there, I certainly am having the opposite of it at the very moment. My brain won't stop moving and the voices inside my head won't hush. I'm having too many stuffs going on, and the best policy is to blurt it all out. Out, out, out.

Cry Baby Cry.

2008-10-26T14:58:00.002+07:00

"We need never be ashamed of our tears,
For there are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,
Overlying our hard hearts."

There's always more. To anything. To everything.

2008-10-26T13:25:00.001+07:00

Have you ever felt like you don't get the chance to grow, to expand, to explore yourself because you are placed in the wrong environment? It's like you are cookie dough that is stored in a plastic container. No chance to get baked. No way for you to rise into a yummy melt-y cookie, ever, at all.

It's not like that the way I'm feeling right now. But there is a slightest chance for me to, if I stay just the way I am now. I don't know, maybe life is too complicated. And my complicated mind's reaction to it just makes it even more complicated.

So, the problem with myself is that I need time to heat up. And my dear world of mine doesn't seem to be able to provide me of what I need. If I ask you "Is it wrong if I can't just go crazy easily in front of people I barely knew?", what would you answer? What should I expect to hear? I mean, thinking about this particular problem makes me miss the states very much. I miss living in a land where people respect others for being just the way they truly are. With not so much comparing, not so much complaining.. Here and now, I feel like I am being judged prematurely.

What is so wrong about enjoying my solitude?
What is so wrong about thinking differently?
What is so wrong about being different at all?

I still have more to show you if you just, wait.

I'm such a late-bloomer, but I'll bloom anyway, in the end.

It's a Two-sided World Afterall

2008-06-25T18:22:00.010+07:00

Have you ever felt happy AND sad at the same time? Well, people refer it as "mixed-feeling", but I see it as the consequence of living in a two-sided world.

I'm excited. It's like, soo excited that I've been cutting off the first hours of my sleeping time at night day-dreaming about how college would be like and how it is to live in Bandung. In fact, I found myself getting out of the bed couple times and making lines of to-do lists. Maybe it's because Ive been so fed up with lazy days, and being a person who has more times than what she needs is actually not that easy. I remember when I was at school (OMG, I actually HAVE graduated), 24 hours a day didn't seem enough to be filled with various kinds of studying. You name it: catching up with physics, getting myself used to all kinds of math problems, memorizing all stuff for biology.. But now, having watched 2 titles of movies on DVD to start my day, I'm like, "It's not even noon yet. What else I should do to kill time?".. It's funny, huh? So I guess it's humane to be wanting B while you're having A, and once you get the B, you'll back want the A. Nevermind.

So, thinking about these particular things make my excitement lessen. First, I'll be attending college with my brother. The same city, the same school, the same major. YUCK! Please don't get me wrong. I have good relationship with my brother, I do. But to go to the same school with him is becoming a routine which makes me sick and tired by now. I went to the same kindergarten, same elementary school, same middle school, and yes, same high school, ladies and gentlemen (I can't help but sigh saying this). I can't imagine to have years to come with him for the umpteenth times of my life, God save me. (No offense to you, Adit if you're reading this, he he)

The other thing is, it's not fun to leave Semarang. Not after I'm all used to the city, the custom, the people, the language... to every single thing! I got to this point with much tears and hatred and energy, and now I have to leave it all behind. It is true that to say goodbye is always hard, no matter how often you've done it before. The brightside is, you learn more than many of the others.

So, now I have two choices of perspective to see things from. One, two, three.. I chose the first one. I've learned my lesson. Err, I think.

Bitter-ish

2008-06-22T10:43:00.001+07:00

KALAH TELAK memang pahit
Begitu pahitnya sampai kau rasa kau tak akan bisa bangkit
Kau kalah dengan tidak memberi perlawanan sengit
Kau biarkan musuhmu menggigit

Dengan tanganmu kau menyodorkan makanan pada musuhmu
"You didn't take it. I gave it to you"
Sungguh aku malu
Tak yakin apa semua ini dapat berlalu

Aku ingin memecahkan kepalaku sendiri
Atau membanting perabot kesana-kemari
Karena sakit yang ditimbulkannya adalah tak terperi
Aku iri

Aku sudah tertinggal amat jauh
Seakan kau berlayar saat aku berlabuh
Seakan kau memacu saat aku mengayuh
Seakan kau burung merak tapi aku cuma burung puyuh

Tapi bukankah ini suatu pelajaran
Bahwa justru dalam terjangan
Kau paling kuat bertahan
Karena kau tidak mau mudah dijemput kematian

June 17 2008

(Ha ha. So it was written after my brother scored better result on UAN than I did. I'm very competitive that I find every defeat bitter and kind of hard to deal with. Yes, I'm pathetic, everybody)

Orang Jawa Saja

2008-06-18T09:54:00.000+07:00

Saya bangga saya orang Jawa. Walaupun saya anak Jawa yang besar di kota, tapi somehow, I always feel the connection that keeps me feel attached to the royal Javanese heritage.. Seperti misalnya tadi saat saya pergi ke Magelang untuk mengembalikan formulir pendaftaran ITB di SMA Taruna Nusantara. Mata saya tidak berkedip menyapu seluruh pesona kota yang begitu kental nuansa jawa-nya,yang begitu bersih, sejuk, dan santun, yang memberikan kesan ramah menyilakan tamu-tamunya untuk datang dan menikmati masanya.. Budaya Jawa yang saya kenal betul. Budaya Jawa yang entah bagaimana saya bisa mendeskripsikannya.

Siang itu mendung di Magelang. Jalanan tetap ramai oleh kendaraan yang melaju dengan santun. Saya mengitari alun-alun. Satu kompi polisi sedang apel disana - suasana yang supernyaman untuk apel siang, saya pikir. Mobil yang saya tumpangi melewati suatu area parkir, dan tukang parkirnya serta-merta mengangguk tersenyum melihat kami lewat. Ramah sekali. Sungguh indah. Begitulah yang seharusnya berlaku dimanapun, saling sapa berbagi kehangatan kepada sesama.

Pada suatu warung tahu kupat khas kota Magelang di pojok jalan saya makan siang. Bangunannya kecil bersahaja, bercat hijau-kuning, apa adanya tapi bersih sekali. Si Ibu Penjual menawarkan dengan bahasa Jawa halus mau pesan apa, dan beberapa saat kemudian datang pesanan saya yang menggugah selera. Si Ibu tadi tersenyum melihat saya makan dengan lahap, dan seketika, tiba tamu baru. Pakaiannya mencolok mata - pasti dari kota, saya pikir. Kembali Si Ibu Penjual menawarkan dengan bahasa jawa halusnya mau pesan apa, tetapi belum sempat ibu itu menyelesaikan kalimatnya, Si Orang Kota memotong, "Pake bahasa Indonesia aja deh, ga ngerti, ga ngerti." Si Ibu penjual dengan air muka kecewa mengulangi perkataannya dengan Bahasa Indonesia. Dalam hati, saya juga kecewa.

Selagi saya menyelesaikan tahu kupat saya, datanglah seorang pengamen tua dengan ukulele. Saya mengamati bapak tua ini, mungkin usianya sudah 80-an tahun, memang tua sekali, tapi dengan kacamata hitam dan topi beret, dia terlihat semangat. Genjrang-genjreng dia memberikan intro lagunya kepada saya dan Si Orang Kota tadi. Serta-merta saya kaget ketika bapak itu selesai berintro dan mulai bernyanyi. Suaranya luar biasa indah. Menggelegar tapi jernih. Dengan aksen jawa yang eksotik, tentu saja, terlihat dia menyanyi dengan hati. Dia menyanyikan "Sepasang Mata Bola", mendayu-dayu indah... sempurna. Saya beri dia 5000. Kalau saja saya memberi 500 kepada pengamen di Metro Mini yang memekakkan telinga itu, maka bapak ini berhak 10 kali lipatnya. Senang, dia memberi saya bonus "Rayuan Pulau Kelapa". Ah, saya makin terhanyut..

Ketika semua selesai, saya keluar dari warung tersebut menuju mobil untuk melanjutkan perjalanan. Penasaran, saya mengintip plat mobil Si Orang Kota tadi. Benar saja, "B ---- XX". Tidak ingin saya kembali tinggal di Kota Jakarta.. Saya ingin menjadi orang Jawa saja.

A Whole New Beginning. That Sounds Scary.

2008-06-18T09:52:00.001+07:00

Well, I'm back! I decided to start blogging again after a good while.

I'm so ready for college but it's not starting until August, so I have time to spare.

"Saya tidak tahu apa yang ada di depan sana. Yang saya tahu adalah untuk memulainya. Saya membaca basmalah.."

First Entry. Finally.

2006-11-05T02:01:00.000+07:00

Umm, I really don't want to mess up my first entry with a kind of stupid intro, but you know what, I really did use to think that blog is just another hi-tech trash. Junk. Useless. Booring. Like robots. Like some kind of awkward vehicles. Like clones. Yeah I mean seriously, why should we read somebody else's journal anyway? Excuse me, but do I know you? Heck no. But now I've turned out to be a blogger anyway. It's funny how I used a real leather journal book to write on my daily happenings for all my life and now I trust a web page to take over its duties. It's.. just weird. Soo, yah. Life's changed.

Everyday I am dreaming there might, or should be something more beyond myself, that somehow, someday I could catch. That is the reason why I decided to start a blog. Simply because I find a joyful fun in writing. Forget the fact I'm just a mediocre, I'm analytical. I'm curious. I'm young. I just want to share all of those thoughts. That's it. Nothing's serious. Nothing's fancy. Whether it's worth every second to read or not, you decide.

This week has been an energy sucker for me. Hectic, tiring, exciting, satisfying, shocking all at the same time. I had to memorize a 30 line Hamlet soliloquy for Mrs. Milliet class (and got a perfect score for that, which has been one of my recognizable achievements this week, beside successfully made a delish pecan and pumpkin pie in Chef Betzen's cooking class, and nominated as a National Honor Roll student), attend another drama club rehaersal for a play in December 1, and of course, soccer practice. Phew.

Another thing to mention is that I started to have my daily prayer at school. Due to daylight saving, the prayer schedule had been messed up, which required me to have my dhuhr and ashr prayers at school. It was kind of bizzare for the first time, since I had to have wudlu on the sink in the school lavatory, use compass to know qibla direction and yet explain to millions of people why I have to pray (well, exaggerating, but it truly seemed like that many though). But there is always a nice sensation comes up when people exclaims "Wow, you are a Muslim, Dian?!" and I just can answer proudly, "Yes, I am."

Houston's weather has turned out to be cold that I heard it reached 45 F on Thursday morning (45 F = 7 Celcius). I really hope that it's not getting any colder but hey, it's just the beginning of fall season, are you kidding me? Just stand strong, and you'll go through it. =)

And yes. That's it. Now you've read my first entry. So, I'd better be off.

"O it's too too solid flesh would melt.
Thaw and ressolve itself into a dew.
Or that the everlasting had not fixed,
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter. O God, o God.
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
seem to me all the uses of this world.
Fie on't, ah fie. 'Tis an unweeded garden
that grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature,
posses it merrily. That it should come to this.
But two months dead -nay, not so much, not two-
an excellent a King, that was to
Hyperion to a satyr, so loving to my mother.
That He might not beteem the winds of heaven
visit her face too roughly. O Heaven and Earth!
Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him?
As if increase of appetite had grown,
by what it fed on. And yet within a month
-let me not think on't- Frailty, thy name is women.
A little month, ere those shoes were old.
With which she followed my poor father's body,
like Niobe, all tears -why she, even she-
O God. A beast that wants discourse reason,
would have mourned longer. Married to my uncle,
my father's brother. But no more like my father
than I to Hercules. Within a month,
ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
have left a flushing in her galled eyes.
She married. O most wicked speed! To post
with such dexterity to incestous sheets.
It is not, nor cannot come to good.
But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue"
--Hamlet by Shakespeare.