Too Little of A Good Thing

a smile you mean from the heart
a genial reception you do not make up
a covert bad-moodness
a nimble mind in pandemonium
an unfeigned enthusiasm
an honest opinion
a less tangy critics
an opportunity to proof wrong
an unconditional support
a less snobbish,
a less volatile,
a less fussy,
a less whiny of a personality
a less unnecessary reaction
a less childish thought
a tighter bond
a deeper empathy
a crystallized sense of togetherness
a mother's pacifying tone
a good joke that cracks your stomach
a lame conversation
a chance to take a break
a moment to be let taken aback
a help when you are in need
a piece of silence
a shoulder to cry on
a sanctuary to fall on from deep thinking
a productive day
a considerable self-improvement
an ability to say no thank you
a gut to stand behind what you believe
a poised of a manner
a graceful of a gesture
a strength to keep on persistent
a person you can count on
a more creative work
a less of a business
a good teacher
a sacrifice you are willing to make
a dignity to stay white among blacks
a less of a regret
a lighter head
an affectionate relationship
a loyal companionship
a tendency to always think positively
a full recovery
a delicate whisper right to your ears
a correct guess
an old good friend
a second home
a touch of His hands
a possibility to change mind
a moment of solitude
a good quality of sleep
a decent book with time to read it slowly
a fresh air to inhale deeply
a warmth of a laughter
a stable health
and if it is not too much,
a possibility to posses those things all at once.

A Lesson to Learn

I remember watching an episode of season 2's Grey's Anatomy when Meredith Grey refused to get out of the house in the morning to go to work because she felt uneasy. Her intuition whispered 'something' to her indeed, as it turned out that there were life-threatening case in the hospital which almost took her life. That's pretty much what I had today. Not as hardcore as life-threatening, perhaps, but it was definitely a tough day.

I started my day non smoothly; I was too tired to get up. My two close friends' birthdays were today, and we had this surprise party for them very early in the morning. Ended up I went to bed at 2.30 a.m. while I had class at 7. 4 hours of sleep? Just imagine..

I almost trailed myself well through this day though, (by napping during lectures, I'm just saying) until I was informed my math mid-term test result. I was the most heart broken. I got 79 out of 100, a B still, but what hit me the hardest was the fact that I was so sure about getting at least 90, an A. I had studied all the things, I had had enough sleep, I had eaten my breakfast, I could solve all problems without any major difficulties.. It all went perfectly okay (I wouldn't have expected to get an A like that if I wasn't so sure, you know) but reality cheats! I couldn't hide my disappointment that I felt the urge to punch somebody on the eye right then, right there (okay, that sounded really scary, I know). But it was that horrible though, the feeling. I cursed and everything, but none helped.

Sampai saat Pak Dosen bilang, "Ayolah jangan liat ke belakang kelamaan. Toh yang udah terjadi gak akan bisa di-undo. Sekarang gimana caranya biar 3 bulan ke depan belajar yang efektif, jadi UAS-nya bisa bagus." Ya kira-kira begitu lah..

It stroke me, and my heart chilled. He's darn right.

I went home and called my mom, chit-chatted for a bit as usual, then I promised her to try to do better next time. It's all I can do, right?

Oh iya, selamat Hari Sumpah Pemuda semuanya!

Randomy Posty.

Entah kenapa akhir-akhir ini saya banyak melihat hal kekanak-kanakan yg dilakukan oleh orang-orang di sekitar saya.

Is it me who is far too old to care?

Anyway, in the state of more cheerful, I'm feeling happy right now. For my brother. Yes, that happiness is contagious, I have proven right. He just had a new girlfriend and it's kinda fun to watch them together, haha.

Here's the picture of us three:



Cute, eh? Then many wonder, "Lu kapan nyusul, Yan?"

Hahaha. Gue mah ketawa aja. Doain ya makanya =)

Tuhan..

Akan seperti apa hidupku kelak?
Akankah aku mejadi hamba-Mu yang berakhlak?
Akankah aku bisa memberikan dunia yang fana ini manfaat?
Akankah hatiku tetap kuat tertambat?

Tuhan..

Aku sadar,
seandainya saja hidup ini mudah ditebak,
maka apalah gunanya otak.
Tapi rasa-rasanya aku tersesat dalam labirin kebingungan,
tak bertepi, tak berujung, angkuh tanpa ampunan.

Missing Home

"I have wandered so far from home,
like a plane from its aerodrome.
Which in dense fog strays into the dark..
Am I living, dead, leaves, or grass?"

If there is something called writer's block out there, I certainly am having the opposite of it at the very moment. My brain won't stop moving and the voices inside my head won't hush. I'm having too many stuffs going on, and the best policy is to blurt it all out. Out, out, out.

Cry Baby Cry.

"We need never be ashamed of our tears,
For there are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,
Overlying our hard hearts."

There's always more. To anything. To everything.

Have you ever felt like you don't get the chance to grow, to expand, to explore yourself because you are placed in the wrong environment? It's like you are cookie dough that is stored in a plastic container. No chance to get baked. No way for you to rise into a yummy melt-y cookie, ever, at all.

It's not like that the way I'm feeling right now. But there is a slightest chance for me to, if I stay just the way I am now. I don't know, maybe life is too complicated. And my complicated mind's reaction to it just makes it even more complicated.

So, the problem with myself is that I need time to heat up. And my dear world of mine doesn't seem to be able to provide me of what I need. If I ask you "Is it wrong if I can't just go crazy easily in front of people I barely knew?", what would you answer? What should I expect to hear? I mean, thinking about this particular problem makes me miss the states very much. I miss living in a land where people respect others for being just the way they truly are. With not so much comparing, not so much complaining.. Here and now, I feel like I am being judged prematurely.

What is so wrong about enjoying my solitude?
What is so wrong about thinking differently?
What is so wrong about being different at all?

I still have more to show you if you just, wait.

I'm such a late-bloomer, but I'll bloom anyway, in the end.